My Husband’s Angst… and Love from my Family

For years, I have been aware that when I feel any strong feelings, it helps to express them in writing to release the feelings and get a higher perspective. I have a remarkable process that I follow for this, and the results always amaze me.

Today I felt frustration from my husband Dave, even though he was directing his upset at his computer. It felt uncomfortable to be in his space when he was distraught. I also experience a sense of annoyance from him regarding my abilities, or lack thereof, regarding my navigation of the computer. 

Of course, Dave is an engineer, a very gifted technician with an amazing mind for all things technical. I am rather cavalier and perhaps even careless with the computer and anything mechanical. This difference between our approaches and attitudes with technical things has created some disharmony over time. 

“Can you perceive his love behind his frustration?” my inner voice asks.

I hesitate for only a moment and then my response is clear. “Yes, I can.” My heart seems to be opening a tiny bit and tickling me. And suddenly, my vision fills with my inner family from the other side. They are here with me. I see my grandmother holding me as a young child—about a year old—playing with me on her lap. It is so palpable. 

And then my dad’s voice also chimes in. He’s been gone for nearly five years, but I see him often in these inner world communications. “You see, Rhondala,” he says, “we also love you no matter what!” Now I see an image of my young dad camping with my sister and me when we were children. 

“Why am I seeing these images?” I ask.

“The love does not go away when we leave the physical, dear one,” I perceive a loving voice say. 

“We are always here with you,” my heavenly family says in a chorus while motioning to my heart. 

“Darling,” my Gram begins, “we feel your pain when you experience it. We also feel your joy, and your discoveries are our discoveries too.”

“But how is this possible?” I ask. Despite the ongoing conversations with them about what they are experiencing and wisdom gained, I am confused about how they know what I am feeling in my moment-to-moment existence. In fact, I also feel a little embarrassed. If I’m having a moment of angst with my husband, shouldn’t that be private?

My grandmother’s adorable laugh rings like a lovely bell. “Darling, we are here and with you, too. The ocean of love is where we all reside. Don’t you think we can feel the ebb and flow too? What you discover connects to our discoveries and vice versa. That is what wisdom and love are for—a shared experience, and so that is how we all learn and grow—together.”

I think of the collective consciousness and the ongoing experience of humanity, always evolving and changing. I wonder where today’s little perturbed experience with Dave fits into it all and how I can rise above my momentary involvement with this frustration and upset.

My dad now states, “Yes, we are part of an immenseness that is often too vast to fathom. I was bewildered and confused when I first got here. There was a lot of catching up to do. When you look up to the stars and try to fathom how truly wide and vast the cosmos is, you can begin to get an inkling of what I am talking about. We are part of this fabric of the vibration of love that is so enormous and yet is so personal that it cares for every single cell—everything. So, what is in your heart is in mine because we are really one, my darling.”

He’s gotten back to my point, I see. There is no hiding what’s in one’s heart. And ripples in this fabric of love can be felt everywhere at once. Interesting—and it shatters the comforting illusion of privacy. I laugh out loud at the idea of sending out our feelings as if by a radio wave that can be perceived by all the world of time and space and beyond.

“That is what God’s love is about!” my grandmother says with kindness and emphasis. “We are cared for even though we may be less aware of this caring and love when we are having difficulties. These are our growing pains, darling. We are all helping each other grow and learn. We are all learning about who and what we are. Ultimately, we trust that you will discover that we are all love Itself, darling.”

As I sit taking in their wisdom and love, I realize my precious husband’s frustration is not about me, personally, but the incongruity of our styles. It is all about learning various aspects of love, patience, kindness, understanding, compassion. And beyond his frustration I know his heart, his love, and it is strong and true. His love flows constantly from the ocean of God’s heart. For each of us, this deepest love flows forever and is the only constant in all the worlds. Love. Our true self as Soul.

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Rhonda Ings